


The Talk

by Katecong



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25086463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katecong/pseuds/Katecong
Summary: Harry finally gets it off his chest with Ron. I was aiming for crack, but it turned out kind of sad.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

Harry is let in by Mrs. Weasley. She's wearing a bright American flag bandana. She greets him warmly, but the look in her eyes is strange. As Harry enters the kitchen, the talk at the table dies down.  
'Hello, Mr. Weasley. Hi, Gin. Ron, glad to see you ba...'  
He stops mid-phrase as he sees the front page of 'The Daily Prophet' spread in the middle of the table. Oh.  
'Hello, Harry,' Mr. Weasley answers with a thin smile. Ginny squares her shoulders and draws her chin up. She is beyond pale, clutching her IloveNY mug with all her might.   
Harry's face goes red and he can't seem to close his mouth. Ron snatches the offending newspaper off the table and stands up.  
'Let's talk outside, mate.'  
Harry follows him out on wooden legs.  
'Boys, dinner is going to be ready in twenty minutes!' cries Molly a bit too cheerfully to their retreating backs.

The grass is already wet with the evening dew, so Ron splits the paper in half and spreads it on the ground for them both to sit down on.  
'So, how was the States?'  
'Perfect,' Ron smiles dreamily. He looks tanned and he is all freckles. 'Hermione loved it too.'  
'Where is she?'  
'Visiting with my in-laws. She... Well, Harry, enough about us. It's not what we're here for, so don't change the topic. Anything you want to tell me?'  
Harry's stomach is somewhere in his throat, his eyes don't meet Ron's.  
'Um, someone from the Ministry must have leaked it. An Auror, maybe,' he mumbles finally.  
'Is it all true?'  
'What is true?'  
'Wait, don't need to answer that. It's all over your face.'  
'We didn't mean any harm! It was just a lost bet and we weren't doing anything too inappropriate. We were fully clothed...'  
'Yeah, yeah, in Hufflepuff uniforms no more no less, snogging and groping just outside the Ministry building. What were you thinking?'  
'We were thinking the glamours would hold. Apparently, not against Kingsley and a team of Aurors. In hindsight, we should have stuck with the original plan and stood by the main entrance. Who knew Kingsley prefers going through the back door?..'  
'It was his idea, wasn't it? I mean, making out in public masquerading as seven-year twin girls.'  
'It was. He is... inventive like that. Researched that blond female glamour charm for days.'  
Ron rolls his eyes.  
'Right. And how long has this been going on?'  
'You mean, me and him? About half a year.'  
'What? Right after his release? Wow. Well, I know you visited him there a lot, brought him oranges or something...'  
'Or something. I was allowed a monthly visit and it took all my persuasive skills to arrange a book and a cup of tea with Kingsley. No oranges.'  
'Did you snog him in Azkaban too?'  
'Of course not. They just took us to a small visits room, we sat across the table from each other, he drank his tea and read the book I brought for him. I watched him read. We didn't even talk much, let alone touch.'  
'Good to know. So, how come?..'  
Harry sighs.  
'Um well, I met him at the Ministry on the day of his release and just offered to share Grimmauld. He agreed. He didn't have anywhere else to go, not really, what with his house burnt down by some vigilante parents and the restraining order barring him from Hogwarts. Kreacher served us his special elven, we might have had a bit too much, I remember we made a paper plane out of his discharge certificate and charmed it to fly above the table and... then it sort of happened.'  
'Bet he knew you'd invite him to stay, counted on that, the Slytherin git,' Ron sniggers.  
'He just might have. That doesn't mean he didn't appreciate my offer. You know, he still has his tea from that Muggle thermal mug I got for my Azkaban visits, silver and green. Hardly ever parts with it.'  
'I see. Were you planning on telling us at all?'  
'I sure did! In fact, I was planning to tell you right after your honeymoon, which means today.'  
'Seems you were a bit too late.'

They both fall silent. Ron picks a blade of grass and fiddles with it. Harry decides to charge on.  
'It's my life now, Ron. He's my life. I hope you're alright with that.'  
'We'll see. Depends on how your LIFE's been treating you. If it's as rubbish as usual...'  
'No, not at all. I mean, we do argue and throw things sometimes, hexes too, but he's good. He's good for me. The best there is.'  
'Your Half-blood Prince.'  
'Nah,' Harry smiles despite Ron's sarcastic tone, 'loads better. Now I have the real thing.'  
Ron gives an understanding grunt and Harry feels relieved. It could have gone a lot worse.


	2. Chapter 2

Ron lets out a disbelieving laugh.  
'Who could have thought the Overgrown Bat is such a kinky sod?'  
'You could say that. It took him some time to warm up though. Neither of us had any experience to speak of, so it was trial and error.'  
'You mean he was all prissy at the beginning?'  
'Indeed. He enforced the 'no inappropriate touching at daytimes' rule, when I took his hand at breakfast the next morning. Then he devised a schedule. A schedule, Ron! With dates and positions and things. He put it on the headboard and ticked those checkboxes for a week. Hey, don't laugh, it wasn't funny at all. And that nightmare of a nightshirt he insisted on wearing! When I pointed out we could buy him some sexy pajamas or he could just sleep naked, he sulked for ages. It had been his mum's or something. And I had to fight him to light at least one candle in the bedroom. I won the candle argument after I poked him in the eye with... you know.'  
Ron is shaking with amusement. Harry gives him a mock dirty look, but soon also dissolves into giggles.  
'Oh, Harry. That's hilarious. So, what brought out his... experimental side then?'  
'I just... well, one day I just sucked him off under the kitchen table in broad daylight. He lasted less than a minute. And then I kissed him, took him to bed and got him to orgasm a second time and he said that sex was more addictive than the Dark Arts. And added something along the lines of, 'Sex is a messy business, but, unlike myself, Malfoy Sr. will never become a good Potions Master as he has always been too squeamish about some ingredients.''  
'Best pillow talk ever, mate!'  
'No, the best pillow talk was when he confessed he had to reject Alecto Carrow's advances, you know, that year, by telling her he hadn't been bathing since the start of the term and when that didn't work with her, he had to claim impotence. Anyway, that very day the schedule was gone, so was the nightshirt, although I kind of got used to it at that point. He made it into an apron.'  
'An apron? As in cooking?'  
'Yes. He and Kreacher take turns to cook.'  
'Is Kreacher alright with that?'  
'He did make a fuss at first, but now they get along swimmingly, calling each other 'Filthy Half-blood' and 'Pig-eared Wanker'. I'm just happy that Kreacher has been kept out of our bedroom affairs as of yet. Lab One is off-limits for me, Lab Two is off-limits for Kreacher.'

'Harry, can I ask you about..? I'm just curious if he, you know, dominates in bed.'  
'Oh, that he does, the shameless manipulator that he is. But I let him. I don't mind. It even turns me on most of the time.'  
'And have you ever asked him to... switch positions?'  
'As a matter of fact, I did. I mean, he's so responsive and vocal when I do him, and I was curious what the fuss was all about. So I suggested swapping the roles, but he refused point-blank. He said, 'Never. You might just enjoy it and then I will have to do all the work.''  
'Oh. Oh.'  
'But I can't say he doesn't contribute. He's all ideas and projects.'  
'Like what?'  
'You really want to know?'  
'Try me. I've been holding admirably so far.'  
'Well, among the most innocent ones, we've tried Incarcerous, wax, feathers. We also conjured a snake.'  
'Eww.'  
'He tried to get me to speak Parseltongue and was disappointed when I couldn't, so we used it... differently.'  
'As I said, eww. But do go on.'  
'What else? We've tried wearing some of Valburga's things. That was fun, but Kreacher found us out and was furious.'  
'I understand him, mate.'  
'Oh, and once there was this... wet thing. But that was not intentional! I was just too sleepy and lazy and he was so warm, he said he needed to use the loo, but I didn't want to let go of him, so...'  
'He didn't!'  
'He did. Made me sort out the mess afterwards too.'  
'Serves you right, Harry. Anything illegal?'  
'No, nothing besides 'offensive conduct in a public place' yesterday. Ah, wait. We did sneak into the Forbidden Forest once, while McGonagall was out in London on some business. It was horrible, Ron.'  
'How so? You did it in Aragog's den?'  
'We did it on some kind of stupid moss which was supposed to have 'performance-enhancing properties.' I'm not sure about enhancing, but my back itched for hours. The git was riding me so he got off with only itchy knees. And he kept asking me 'clinical questions' throughout the whole affair and dictating away to his quill.'  
'Speaking of pillow talks.'  
'Well, to his credit, he even said sorry and put some salve on my back when we got home.'  
'A truly kind and caring soul. I bet you've tried potions as well.'  
'Of course, including Veritaserum. And Legilimency too. I even enjoyed it, but it does give you a bit of a headache if you overdo it.'  
'Also not outright legal.'  
'No. But the weirdest thing was the owl. You see, he got us an owl, mainly for his potions order business. A big and agressive one-eyed thing called Grouser. He made it watch.'  
'Merlin.'  
'This bird makes my skin crawl as it is.'  
'I can imagine. Wait, a big one-eye? I saw a bird like you describe at George's once, about a month before the wedding. George didn't tell me who the letter was from, but he looked pretty chuffed reading it.'  
'That's the one. He does some business with George. They're working on some Wheezes products together. I think it's his way to get back at McGonagall for donating his book collection to Hogwards library.'  
'Well, if that's the owl, I don't know how you managed to get it up at all, man.'  
'I was on a potion.'  
'Of course.'  
'And you know what? We were doing it on the writing desk in the library, that's where Grouser usually dwells when he's not carrying post, and this bastard summoned a quill and parchment and started scribbling a letter to George. Right in the middle of things. Apparently, some idea came up.'  
'He's never boring, is he?'  
'Never.'  
'You've created a monster.'  
'Very much so.'


	3. Chapter 3

Harry's stomach starts rumbling but he is comfortable where he is.  
'You know, Ron, we have bedroom music.'  
'Did you pinch the Sorting Hat or what?'  
'Git. We found a Pensieve in the Black vault.'  
'So?'  
'It was a genius idea, really. The Pensieve was broken, but he fixed it. He made me pour a fortune into obtaining the substances for it, but it was worth it. He modified both the mixture and the runework so the Pensieve could play memories aloud. Took him some tweaking to get the volume right and he still can't get the image to show. The first thing he played for me was a song my mum and aunt Petunia were listening to on the Evans' record player. He was crouching outside under the open window and they were dancing and singing along in the living-room. They were both so off-key. I cried all over his new pajamas.'  
'That's... That's great, Harry. I mean it.'  
'We went to the embankment to listen to some buskers the following weekend. It took us all evening and a hundred phials to extract the memories but now we've got quite the collection. Later we went to concerts too. As we speak, he's out at some rave place 'in search of more music material.''  
' Sounds scary.'  
'It probably is. Can't be scarier than the Frog Choir.'  
'True. You could still crash here if you want. We do have some unused rooms.'  
'Thanks, Ron, but no. Now that I'm suspended for two weeks, he sure has a lot of plans on me. Can't disappoint him, can I?'  
'Guess not.'

Harry gets up off the grass. Or rather off the crumpled Daily Prophet. On the front page photograph, the two men in Hufflepuff uniforms in the interrogation room look quite disgruntled.  
'Thanks for your support, Ron. I really needed to get it off my chest.'  
'Any time, Harry.'  
'So we're good?'  
'I’ve been rooting for Chudley Cannons all my life, I do love a lost cause. So yes, we're good.'  
Mrs. Weasley calls out to them.  
'Hermione's here, boys! Dinner time, move, move!'  
Ron Insendioes the paper. They turn and walk towards the door.


End file.
